Dragons Are Closer Than They Appear
I’m afraid of a lot. That’s a big reason why I named whatever this is that we share every week “Neurotically Yours.” Of all my fears the one that stands on the precipice of paranoia is the dentist.
Fear of dentistry is common, climbing the light fixture and ripping nails off their bed (this really happened when I was 9) is taking it a step too far.
In an ironic twist of fate, life handed me a genetic predisposition to bad teeth. “Simply put, he has weak enamel.” Something my pediatric dentist said to my mom when she asked why my teeth broke and chipped despite not having cavities.
My father had the same condition.
So it goes.
I’m now 31 and to this day spend more time than I’d be comfortable admitting in the dental chair. I’ve come a long way since vomiting in the car in an Ativan-induced haze at 13 and that’s partially thanks to a compassionate dentist who’s patient with his worst patient. (Aren’t words fun?) :)
I’ve recently had an implant put in and without question that was the most excruciating experience of my life. No amount of novocaine can prepare one for what’s required to properly install an implant. I’ll spare you the gory details as that’s not the point of this post.
I wanted to make this post to talk about overcoming fears.
Something I’ve learned about fear is, more often than not, it offers little benefit.
In the case of me in the dental chair, the amount of fear I’m feeling in no way alleviates my experience. I need to go through with it, why add on to the suffering?
“Easier said than done” many will say. I agree, but that still doesn’t justify giving in.
I’ve fought hard with this idea thinking it was some kind of justification for my actions but the truth is, fear only amplified the painful experience. Instead of suffering while present in the chair, I suffered for months before.
Some things I’ve learned about overcoming fear.
1. The perceived danger is always worse in your head.
Every time I’ve been to the dentist it has been unpleasant and sometimes even painful, but never as bad as I played it up in my head.
2. When you face your fear you don’t become less afraid, you become braver.
The more time I spent in the chair, the more hands-on experience I had to combat the idea that it’s something to be fearful of. I’m far from happy to go to the dentist but at the very least, I can tolerate the experience. This may seem obvious but this study claims “ people who visited the dentist more regularly and individuals without previous traumatic dental experiences were less anxious.”
Implying exposing oneself to their fear lessens the impact of the fear in the future. They become braver. Like the brave knight that storms the dragon’s lair to save the princess, he must conquer his fear if he is to find the treasure within. The treasure be it the princess or the gold is held behind a mighty dragon. To face and defeat this monster is to look fear in the face and overcome its hold.
What does any of this have to do with writing or art?
More than you think.
Lack of talent isn’t the biggest hurdle for new writers but fear. Fear of looking stupid. “Writer's block” can be summarized as “I want to tell this story but I don’t think I’m good enough to write it.”
That may be true but it’s expected for a first draft. Only by conquering your fear can you overcome the hurdle. You will discover the pain isn’t as bad as you imagined and the liberation of overcoming that fear will propel you to continue.
The more you defeat this mentality the easier it becomes.
Something to keep in mind, I don’t think there will ever be a point where the fear disappears. Like me in the dentist chair, it’s a part of who I am, but that doesn’t mean we should allow it to dictate our path.
By maintaining momentum (in my case, writing every day NO EXCEPTIONS) I remind myself it’s not about writing well, it’s simply about showing up. I believe if you show up enough, eventually, you’ll produce something worth sharing. And if not? There’s always tomorrow.
Neurotically Yours,
⁃ Lorne